Recently I have been re-watching Sex and the City. If you have watched the show, you might remember Carrie’s line, “I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.”
Emotionally slutty meaning when you share too much about yourself with someone you have just met. It doesn’t mean that you should lie about anything. It just means that you should share as much as the other person. At the same pace.
Carrie’s realization led to my own realization. It started with me thinking about my behavior with my past relationships.Have I been emotionally slutty? Does it matter if I am an emotionally slutty person? Is it a bad thing? Is this why some of my relationships ended so soon?
The answer to the first question is yes, I have been emotionally slutty. As for whether it matters or not and whether it’s a bad thing — I’m not sure. And finally, some of my past relationships definitely ended as soon as they did due to my emotional sluttiness. But some relationships lasted because of it.
Sharing too much too soon can either be a good thing or a bad thing. I realized that it all depends on who you’re sharing the information with. Some people will appreciate your vulnerability and others won’t. Perhaps it scares them. They may not feel ready to share as much. Or perhaps they view your vulnerability leading into a path that ends with commitment. Who knows. What I know is that we have all been emotionally slutty at one point. For some of us, it was because we felt comfortable with the person. For others, it was because we like to have everything out in the open.
While contemplating if my emotional sluttiness played a role in why some relationships didn’t last long, I asked myself why did I reveal too much too soon?That’s when I understood that by sharing something deep about myself, I was expecting the other person to do the same. And when they didn’t, I lost interest. My emotional sluttiness was somewhat motivated by my need to get to know more about the other person. Don’t get me wrong, most of me was sharing so that I can be comfortable being my true self. And a small part of me was doing it to make the other person more comfortable with being themselves around me.
Me losing interest, when they didn’t share as much, stemmed from my own insecurities. Allowing myself to be vulnerable with someone and having them not understand that, or reciprocate it, scared me. I felt like I was completely in the nude while they were all dressed up for Chicago’s coldest day of the winter season.
I don’t regret my emotional sluttiness. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve built strong friendships and relationships. Being an emotional slut is not a bad thing. You just have to find someone who’ll appreciate your vulnerability.
Images by Yuris Alhumaydy, eberhard grossgasteiger, and Patrick Tomasso from Unsplash.
