I’ll start off by saying that “safe sex is hot sex”. In a perfect world, where STDs did not exist and unwanted pregnancies didn’t happen, we can enjoy all the bareback sex we want to have. But STDs exist and no one is completely immune to them.
It’s easy to say “just be blunt and ask your partner about their STD status.” I used to think that I can just straight up ask if my potential partner has been tested, when they have been tested, and what their test results were. And while I was straight forward when asking them, I still felt awkward doing so. For some reason I felt nervous and I felt like it might bring down the mood. Discussing safe sex shouldn’t be a turn off and no one with an STD should be shamed for it.
If myself, someone who is comfortable with discussing many topics surrounding sex, could get uncomfortable and awkward when discussing STD testing with my partner then I can only imagine how someone else might feel about it.
There is no particularly ideal way to ask your partner if they had been tested. Whatever way you end up doing it, you’re still asking the same thing. What I can tell you, to make sure you lower your risk of STD transmission, is to use condoms (internal or external condoms, but never use two condoms at the same time).
Personally, I just ask my partner if they have been tested. If they say “yes,” I ask them when and what their results were. Never ask your partner “are you clean?” The idea that someone who is negative for STDs is “clean” also translates into the stigma that someone who is positive for STDs is “dirty”. And this is simply not true, hygiene has nothing to do with STDs. Plus, no one willingly chooses to have an STD.
Don’t be ashamed to just straight-up ask your partner about their STD status. In order to minimize STD transmission, we have to normalize talking about safe sex practices. Practicing safe sex includes getting regularly tested and wearing protection.
While you can ask your partners about their STD status, you can never be sure if they’re lying to you about having been tested; unless if they show you their test results. But usually the safe sex “talk” does not involve showing physical proof.
Quick tips:
Just straight-up ask your partner “have you been tested?”
If they say “yes,” ask them when and what their results were.
If they say “no”, it’s okay to let them know that you’re more comfortable with waiting until you both can say “yes” to having been tested.
Don’t ask them “are you clean?”
If you want actual proof of their results, then make sure to ask them way ahead of time before you’re actually planning to have sex. This allows them time to contact their doctor and get the results printed.
Even if your sexual partner says “yes” to been tested, you can still wear condoms. Don’t let anyone guilt you or shame you for wanting to be safe.
Don’t expect your partners to regularly have STD testing if you’re not doing the same thing.
Wear condoms to lower your risk of STD transmission.
Even if you are in a committed/exclusive relationship, it’s still a good idea to get tested every few months.
Once again — “safe sex is hot sex.” It’s better to ask than to worry yourself about the possibility of STD transmission.
Images by Kevin Laminto from Unsplash.
